The Golden Rule

A sermon for Epiphany 7, RCL C
The Rev. Mercedes Clements, Vicar
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​Do to others as you would have them do to you. 
I’ll wager that almost every one of us here was raised by the golden rule. Some people note that this compassionate way is defined in every major religion.
Recently, the golden rule has even been adapted to treat others as they want to be treated. Maybe this makes some of us uncomfortable, but I think there is value in this updated wording.
Often, we are ignorant of the pain our words and actions cause others. I want to be honest. I have had good friends challenge my choices when I’ve used seemingly “harmless” terms to describe others. I’ve felt the anger and hurt of someone who has experienced verbal abuse and name-calling and doesn’t consider a term harmless. And I’m grateful they trusted me enough to correct me respectfully.
Sometimes, real life doesn’t fit into the tidy guidance of our well-worn moral compasses.
I’m reminded of a story that Brené Brown shares in her work:
There was a man in his late twenties headed to visit his parents.
During the morning drive, he committed to being more patient with and tolerant of his father. They had a long history of not getting along.
The afternoon the son arrived, he was standing in the kitchen making small talk when he asked his father, “How are your new neighbors?”
His father said, “We really like them. We’ve had them over for dinner a couple of times, and we’ve become friends. They’re cooking us dinner next week. They’re Oriental, and she’s going to make her special dumplings, so your mom is really looking forward to it.”
Stunned, the young man ripped into his father. “Oriental? Jesus, Dad! Are you kidding? Racist much.”
Before his father could even respond, he went back at him. “ ‘Oriental’ is so racist! Do you even know where they’re from? There’s no country called ‘the orient.’ How embarrassing!”
The man’s father stood in the kitchen with his head down. When he finally looked up at his son, he was teary-eyed. “I’m sorry, son. I’m not sure what I’ve done or not done to make you so angry. I just can’t do anything right. Nothing I do or say is good enough for you.”
There was total silence. Then his father said, “I’d stay and let you tell me what an asshole I am, but I’m taking the neighbor I supposedly hate to pick up her husband from cataract surgery. She doesn’t drive, and he took a cab this morning.”[1]
This awkward exchange undoubtedly brings up a lot of latent tensions both in that family and in our society.
Now, before we assume the wrong of the young man in this story,
It’s worth mentioning that during the pandemic, in particular, the increase in violence against Asians and corresponding hate speech became a scary trend as innocent people were made the scapegoats of political speculation.
However, we are not justified in answering hate with hate. The interaction between the young man and his father highlights what can happen when we become so self-righteous in our sense of right and wrong that we respond with cruelty, scorn, and contempt.
I wonder if Jesus could foresee that kind of splits we find in culture today as we somehow have fallen into groups deeply divided by the political and moral lines.
There’s no doubt that the media culture is driving a wedge that portrays the extremes of human behavior. Listening to the talking heads that drive an endless news cycle can make us feel that the country is fractured, broken beyond repair.
We often the fault lines on the Internet and social media, though bumper stickers and billboards are also common irritants. Whether driving or perusing the Internet, we can find ourselves flooded with opinions that we disagree with.
Depending on your personality, this might make you feel either indignant about the unwelcome assault of opinions or smug about your own beliefs. But either way, it leads to a weird assumption that a whole lot of “other people” are wrong. Maybe even immoral.
I want to pause, though and really take that in. Do we really believe that half the population of our country is bad? Immoral? Or amoral?
Social psychologist Jonathon Haidt challenges many assumptions that undermine society’s polarization and our convictions about right and wrong.
Haidt points out that our self-righteous sense of morality misses the reality that moral behavior operates on a spectrum of values. While many Christians might list altruism as a moral requirement, others greatly value a sense of order and peace. And they are not mutually exclusive.
In short, it’s not a black and white definition. Morality has many attributes based on the values of each person.
Would you disagree with any of these statements?
It is moral to be caring and compassionate.
It is moral to maintain order and peace.
It is moral to be virtuous.
It is moral to respect authority.
It is moral to be loyal and fair.
Personally, I often struggle with falling into rigid definitions of right and wrong, and I have to make myself see different perspectives. I have a strong affinity for liberty, loyalty, and authority, which likely led me to the military.
But at some point, I came to understand that my privileges and ability to operate with liberty were at the expense of others. Then compassion and fairness started weighing more strongly for me.
The point is not that neither is right or wrong, but that we will meet very few people that are truly immoral or amoral. We will, however, talk to people every day that have a different perspective on moral choices.
If we truly believe that half the population is immoral and/or dangerous, we risk becoming what we vilify.
How, then, are we called to respond?
I noticed one article describing the movements of people to find like-minded neighbors. The article explained that red zip codes were getting redder, and blue zip codes were getting bluer.
Jesus challenges us not to sort into like-minded tribes.
Jesus exhorts us to love our enemies, do good to those who hate us, bless those who curse us, pray for those who abuse us. Turn the other cheek.
Now, since you know that my moral tendencies lean toward law-abiding, I’m not condoning allowing abuse.
However, we follow a savior that ate with tax collectors, prostitutes, and sinners. Jesus reminds us that God is the ultimate source of justice, and we are called to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God.
If we genuinely want to change the world, or simply the minds of our neighbors, we might find ourselves in the challenging situation of needing to listen without judgment, to understand their story, to spend a day in their shoes.
Imagine the outcome if the young man had simply paused and found a respectful way to share his concerns with his dad.
We are called in our baptismal covenant to respect the dignity of every person, regardless of whether we agree with them. And while we may not be equipped to have a patient conversation, we are called by Jesus to pray for those we hate because when we spend our private moments maligning them, we are simply poisoning our own soul.
If you have no idea where to begin, I invite you to join me in the prayer of St. Francis.
Let us pray.
Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Amen


[1] Brown, Brené. Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. Random House Publishing Group.